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Get Out

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I Regret Us.

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Survivor of Love

A haiku about relationships through and through.

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Argument in Relationship Healthy or Toxic

Whatever you are trying to do, may not go as you expected.

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How to Cope With A Friend Breakup

The ending of a friendship can hurt as much as a romantic breakup, so here’s how to cope.

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

In our society, romantic relationships are constantly pushed into our faces. Love songs play on the radio night and day, the tabloids report every single detail of celebrities’ love lives, and some of us start dating as young as middle school.

So, it’s no wonder that the end of “true love” is just as press-worthy as the beginning. However, though friend breakups aren’t as heavily advertised, they can hurt as much as a romantic breakup.

According to Seth Meyers, Psy. D, both the ending of a friendship and a romantic relationship result in feeling unwanted. “That feeling of being unwanted is hard to bear for anyone who has trusted an attachment,” he says. “Emotional intimacy in a friendship may be just as strong as the intimacy shared with a romantic partner,” he adds. The loss of your close confidant can take a severe toll on your mental health.

So, how do you get over a friendship breakup?

1. Create a support system

“A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.”

– Walter Winchell

When one friend leaves your life, turn to family, genuine friends, or acquaintances you’d like to build a closer bond with.

Whenever my former best friend, Sally (not her real name), and I parted ways, I created a list of everyone I could depend on. Whenever I felt alone, seeing the list provided reassurance.

If your former friend was the only person you were close to, it may take time before you establish a support system. However, don’t go back to a toxic friendship just for the sake of not being alone.

The year after my friendship with Sally ended, I didn’t have anyone I could relate to at school and spent my lunches quietly reading or doing homework. However, that period of loneliness was worth it in the long run. I learned how to prioritize myself, and friends came soon.

Know that you will eventually forge a close bond with someone with good intentions.

2. Talk about it

My aunt was an endless source of wisdom and comfort when I felt like I didn’t have people my age to talk to. Communicating my feelings lifted a burden off my chest.

Everyone has had friendships end, so you may find unexpected solidarity by sharing your story with others. Hearing others’ coping mechanisms after a friend breakup and lessons they’ve learned in the process provides reassurance that you aren’t alone in your struggles.

3. Prioritize self care

Take time to work on yourself and cultivate better habits. Only after you have regained a healthy mindset and positive attitude will you be able to be a good friend to others.

Exercise has been proven to reduce anxiety and depression and improve self-esteem. A daily 10-minute walk out in nature is both an exercise for your legs and in mindfulness.

Developing new passions will expand your knowledge and also introduce you to new groups of people with similar interests.

4. Analyze what went wrong in the friendship

It may take some time before a thought of that person doesn’t immediately invoke anger or sadness in you. That’s normal, but once you’ve developed new strong friendships and outlets, break down what caused you and your friend to end your relationship.

Especially if one of you was acting manipulative or toxic, realizing that can improve the quality of your future friendships. Hindsight is 20/20, so learn from the mistakes you made, if any.

Personally, I learned to expand my social circle and not put all my energy into one friendship. Now, with this knowledge, I’ve developed genuine friendships I know I can depend on.

The Takeaway

When you break up with your significant other, all your friends crowd around you with an endless supply of Kleenex and tubs of Ben and Jerry’s. There’re snarky comments left on your ex-partner’s Instagram posts and a dramatic “unfriending” on Facebook, all to let the world know that you, Jill, are no longer with Jack.

But, what about friend breakups? What makes the end of 3 months spent with a significant other a bigger deal than the end of 3 years spent with a best friend? Romantic breakups end with a Big Bang version 2.0, and friend breakups — well, they’re a tiny blip in space to everyone except the two people involved.

Here are 4 ways to cope with a friend breakup:

  • Create a support system
  • Talk about it
  • Prioritize self care
  • Analyze what went wrong in the friendship

Any type of breakup, platonic or romantic, is bound to hurt, but by using these coping mechanisms, you can reduce the amount of pain you feel.

And remember,

“Don’t be afraid of new beginnings. Don’t shy away from new people, new energy, new surroundings. Embrace new chances at happiness.” — Billy Chapata

How to Cope With A Friend Breakup was originally published in ILLUMINATION on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

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Hold the line. My 3 year old relationship ended

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Writing is a form of therapy; sometimes I wonder how all those who do not write, compose, or paint can manage to escape the madness, melancholia, the panic and fear which is inherent in a human situation — Graham Greene

What goes up must come down. I had a good run this week: thousands of page views on my blog and quiz; got 200+ fans on Facebook page; amazing people approached me, we exchanged a lot of messages. I am really thankful for all your support. The psychedelic community is the best.

On my Instagram page, I shared terrible news, my girlfriend dumped me today. I can’t be mad at her, haven’t been the best boyfriend lately, had better weeks when I was really caring, but that always lasted only for a while. Then an anxiety was hitting me hard, sending me into a spiral. It has to be hard to share life with someone with mental disorder: constant mood swings, irritability, PTSD triggers. When I felt tense, I tried to avoid her. I didn’t want to be the guy who screams at his sweetheart.

Probably weeks will pass before I feel normal again. Hard to tell, it was my first girlfriend. Maybe I will never get over her. She meant a world to me. I once said to her when she asked if I love her.

“I don’t know what love is exactly, but know one thing for sure. Honey, from all the things in the world, I hate you the least.”

It sounds twisted, but that’s true. My parents didn’t love me, I was outcast in school. I never learned how to love and how to be intimate. It’s a skill that needs to be developed. Loving yourself should come first. We started dating when I was 27, she already had experience in relationships even though she was younger.

Was she the love of my life? Time will tell. Hard to lose someone so special, but she wasn’t happy with me anymore. She grew as a woman, she needed a real partner. The guy so chaotic and broken isn’t the wise choice. I tried to fight for her, but that wouldn’t be okay, it would be selfish. Like in Passenger song, if you love her, let her go.


Ex-honey, when I lost my job in December, I felt that you could be next. You were convincing me that it won’t happen, you will stand by me no matter what. People say those things in a relationship, would be weird if they didn’t. I don’t hold any grudge about this whole situation. Now we are no longer boyfriend and girlfriend, just ex-lovers. Friends are playing in the background (this show always helps me in tough times). I am wiping tears out of my cheeks constantly.


These all bring up so many memories…

Before our first Valentine’s Day, I created a web diary of how our love story began. I wrote every day, describing some memorable events. The climax happened on 14th, with an account of how I fell in love with you. This was the sweetest thing I have ever done to someone.

There was also one sad fragment in the diary. I shared my anxiety that we won’t make it. Here goes the loose translation from my native language.


Ten years later, I pass you by on the street. Children and husband are beside you, the beautiful black dress fits your body perfectly. You are so goddamn happy. I have to confess that I was spying on you a bit on business websites. You’re the master of making beautiful designs. I have lately read an interview with you, how you are coming up with graphics. You exchange a glance with me, feeling rushes through your body that you saw that beard somewhere. This beard is now grey and looks like someone took all color out of it using Photoshop.


I believe in lyrics from Toto — Hold the line, love isn’t always on time. My next love is probably not waiting just around the corner. I will focus on myself to grow and to be ready for the future relationship.

You are free now. As I said during our breakup, I wish you all the best. You are a fantastic person, you brought a lot of good in my life. Before, I couldn’t even hope that someone will love me, thanks for confidence. A tremendous journey having you by my side ended today. Become the woman you always wanted to be, succeed in your career, find a new caring boyfriend. I know I said it to you a million times. You will be an amazing mother — your heart is filled with so much love.

Best regards,

PTSD Engineer

Originally published at on June 21, 2020.

Hold the line. My 3 year old relationship ended was originally published in ILLUMINATION on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

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