We, The Feminists!
Feminism is divine. It is powerful. But is modern day feminism the solution to this deep prevailing issue? Can you demand equality by refusing to shave armpits or refusing to wear bras because men don’t? Nah! It sounds useless to me…
I have witnessed men taking feminism as a joke only because they don’t understand the broader purpose it contains and because they only see the anger towards men in feminist movements. Some of you might agree with me when I say most of the modern day feminist movements have lacked the basic purpose and are turning out to be just a bunch of angry females who hate men in general. We can’t reverse the biological diversity in gender. It is not logical. It is not what we are trying to accomplish here. We gotta accept their strengths, weaknesses and ours too. We gotta use them for a better purpose. We can’t equalize our strengths and weaknesses but how we use them and how well we cope with them is far more important. I’m interested in all the discussions about breaking gender stereotypes and fighting against patriarchy but reluctant to call myself a feminist cause I sense that the concept has gotten toxic along the way. We gotta remember that this fight is not against men in general. But this fight is to smash patriarchal norms. The fight against toxic masculinity. The fight to break gender stereotypes. We demand equality and divine masculinity. We DO NOT demand a world without men!
A lookout into this will help you understand men also suffer because of patriarchy. It is not just us women. Don’t be surprised when I say men do too! One of the main issues we stress upon is the emotional unavailability of men. Their inability to show what they feel but willingness to act first and inability of being accountable of their feelings. I have met men who are willing to express their emotions in a better way but are unable to, because our past generations asked them to “man-up” and to swallow their feelings without properly expressing and processing them. Toxic masculinity is based on fear and the glorification of ego. It mistakes dominance for strength. None of these are healthy for men to proceed. One thing we need to always keep in mind is that men suffer too. Just like us! In order to make the future generation of men more accountable of their thoughts, building up their ability to express emotions is vital. This makes them more empathized. Little boys must be taught to express their feelings and process them and not to “FIGHT LIKE A MAN”.
Another stigma is that men are obliged to be financially independent and find means to feed the family whereas women are not obliged traditionally. This never crossed my mind until I came across a twitter thread recently where a man said how women have the choice to make either to be a housewife or to work but men hardly get to make that choice. I was angry first after reading this but it is after thinking further that I realized the accuracy of the particular statement. These are the stereotypes we need to fight against. I’m stressing again that family commitments must be equal for both the genders and financial independence should be just the same!
In Sri Lanka it is common to see women staying in abusive marriages and their lack of determination to go for a divorce, which in turn becomes traumatizing for them and the children. They tend to justify that by stating it is for their children’s well being and because a child needs a father and by leaving the marriage you ruin child’s right to have a family. Well, this is not 100% true. Most of them lack the courage to be financially independent. They were raised to look after the family, be a house slave and die while depending on a man for one’s financial needs. You gotta leave the table when respect is no longer served. This is a fact. We are not here to be dominated or be controlled of ourselves but to feel loved and to give love! Little girls must be taught the necessity of being financially independent and not to depend on a man and not to have a man as her higher governing authority.
Is there a solution to this? Yes, we are in need of healing ourselves. We need to break the stereotypes which have done nothing but harm us emotionally and also physically. We don’t need to victimize one gender and accuse the other. Our fight is against bad traits, unhealthy stigma and damaging patterns which have been existing throughout so long in the society.
I am a feminist! I can now proudly say that out loud. But I am a humanist too. We all are! So let’s make this world a much better place regardless of gender. Shall we?
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