divine-masculine equality feminism gender-stereotypes women-empowerment

We, the feminists!

We, The Feminists!

Feminism is divine. It is powerful. But is modern day feminism the solution to this deep prevailing issue? Can you demand equality by refusing to shave armpits or refusing to wear bras because men don’t? Nah! It sounds useless to me…

I have witnessed men taking feminism as a joke only because they don’t understand the broader purpose it contains and because they only see the anger towards men in feminist movements. Some of you might agree with me when I say most of the modern day feminist movements have lacked the basic purpose and are turning out to be just a bunch of angry females who hate men in general. We can’t reverse the biological diversity in gender. It is not logical. It is not what we are trying to accomplish here. We gotta accept their strengths, weaknesses and ours too. We gotta use them for a better purpose. We can’t equalize our strengths and weaknesses but how we use them and how well we cope with them is far more important. I’m interested in all the discussions about breaking gender stereotypes and fighting against patriarchy but reluctant to call myself a feminist cause I sense that the concept has gotten toxic along the way. We gotta remember that this fight is not against men in general. But this fight is to smash patriarchal norms. The fight against toxic masculinity. The fight to break gender stereotypes. We demand equality and divine masculinity. We DO NOT demand a world without men!

Photo by Victor Rutka on Unsplash

A lookout into this will help you understand men also suffer because of patriarchy. It is not just us women. Don’t be surprised when I say men do too! One of the main issues we stress upon is the emotional unavailability of men. Their inability to show what they feel but willingness to act first and inability of being accountable of their feelings. I have met men who are willing to express their emotions in a better way but are unable to, because our past generations asked them to “man-up” and to swallow their feelings without properly expressing and processing them. Toxic masculinity is based on fear and the glorification of ego. It mistakes dominance for strength. None of these are healthy for men to proceed. One thing we need to always keep in mind is that men suffer too. Just like us! In order to make the future generation of men more accountable of their thoughts, building up their ability to express emotions is vital. This makes them more empathized. Little boys must be taught to express their feelings and process them and not to “FIGHT LIKE A MAN”.

Another stigma is that men are obliged to be financially independent and find means to feed the family whereas women are not obliged traditionally. This never crossed my mind until I came across a twitter thread recently where a man said how women have the choice to make either to be a housewife or to work but men hardly get to make that choice. I was angry first after reading this but it is after thinking further that I realized the accuracy of the particular statement. These are the stereotypes we need to fight against. I’m stressing again that family commitments must be equal for both the genders and financial independence should be just the same!

In Sri Lanka it is common to see women staying in abusive marriages and their lack of determination to go for a divorce, which in turn becomes traumatizing for them and the children. They tend to justify that by stating it is for their children’s well being and because a child needs a father and by leaving the marriage you ruin child’s right to have a family. Well, this is not 100% true. Most of them lack the courage to be financially independent. They were raised to look after the family, be a house slave and die while depending on a man for one’s financial needs. You gotta leave the table when respect is no longer served. This is a fact. We are not here to be dominated or be controlled of ourselves but to feel loved and to give love! Little girls must be taught the necessity of being financially independent and not to depend on a man and not to have a man as her higher governing authority.

Is there a solution to this? Yes, we are in need of healing ourselves. We need to break the stereotypes which have done nothing but harm us emotionally and also physically. We don’t need to victimize one gender and accuse the other. Our fight is against bad traits, unhealthy stigma and damaging patterns which have been existing throughout so long in the society.

I am a feminist! I can now proudly say that out loud. But I am a humanist too. We all are! So let’s make this world a much better place regardless of gender. Shall we?

We, the feminists! was originally published in ILLUMINATION on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

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equality gender-stereotypes patriarchy women women-empowerment

Patriarchy Makes No Sense To Me!

My take on patriarchy. Read and absorb, no offence guys😉

Men here. Men there. This is what we are used to see. To see a woman at the top level was one thing that amazed me even as a kid cause it was too normalized for men to hold all the higher positions and be the most responsible citizens. Don’t take me as an angry feminist but man, that was something! Father had to giye you the approval to go out when mother’s opinion didn’t matter. Men gave their points of view to run most of the aspects in society and we had to compromise most of the time. Our voices were hardly heard. Our mothers and grandmothers had it in the worst way. Men could have any number of affairs but the woman had to be an untouched object before marriage to claim her purity. Wives had to leave their home, thier jobs and take a totally different role. Women had to cook. Women had to wash your clothes. Women had to take care of the household. Women had to raise the kids. And this goes on and on. And do I need to tell you the ruler behind all these? Damn patriarchy! You suck!

Photo by Oliver Cole on Unsplash

I grew up in a home where women made it happen, with or without a man. The fact of the absence of a man very rarely bothered. So this made zero sense to me at times. As a kid, I kind of needed to have my mother’s sirname too. But I learnt that is not how it is done here. So we had to compromise! Like most of the time. But then we learnt. Learnt what is happening around us. Learnt the reason why women are being raped in the daylight and the cases go unheard, why little girls had to be protective even from their own family members starting from the earliest ages, why we get catcalled and had zero things to do before smart phones came to play their part. I wanted to feel equal!

Let me now tell you why patriarchy makes no sense to me. Patriarchy as described in the simplest form is the concept of the establishment of society where male head takes the role of the leader. Now take a look at the male figures around you. Now rethink. Are they all emotionally available? Are they patient and concious? Are they able to address your concerns equally? How has the society made them operate? Just like brown aunties expect you to become a fair skinned girl with long hair and no tattoos, this society expect our males to hide their emotions, the society taught them it is not “manly” to show your emotions and cry. So they hide their feelings and hardly express them. Making them unable to express emotions and always demanding them to be the leader has amounted to things we couldn’t predict. What if you hardly find a man who is strong enough to express their emotions? This society mocks them. Their feelings are no longer held valid.

We see husbands who beat their wives. Sons who would never listen to their mothers. Sons who have no idea how to be independent and take care of their self. You think these male figures are strong enough to be leaders? Don’t get me wrong but here is a big NO from me! To be a leader, you have to be strong. You need the ability to tolerate and listen to your followers and I hardly see this. Males with too much ego who can’t understand their own mistakes, and who will never apologize for their mistakes will never be good leaders. So voila! Patriarchy sucks! And I hope you get it just like me!

One thing I noticed recently is how much this society expects women to fail at their job just because they are used to see men getting the work done. You clap at Jacinda cause she did a hella great job. Now imagine the blacklash she would be receiving if she failed at her job just like most of the nation leaders did recently? It would not be the same. People are bussy with finding faults because they are not used to see women getting the job done. We need to normalize this. It would never be normalized if there is no equality. Think of all the women around you who set aside their career goals and dreams just cause she had to start a family. The gravity of family commitments always ranked higher on women no matter what! And that is not equality.

Let’s just feel equal from this generation. Equality I demand means both men and women get to step the ladder with equal opportunities. Both get the equal amount of family commitments. Naturally the abilities in men and women are different. The equality I demand accepts their strengths and weaknesses and help them achieve more and succeed. Their roles should not be burdens they had to carry on their shoulder just because that is how the tradition shaped it to be.

Let’s for once in this damn life be equal and feel loved in the same way!

Patriarchy Makes No Sense To Me! was originally published in ILLUMINATION on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

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