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An Episode on Trying Even Though It’s Really All Just Too Much

Me by Me

I want to sound like the other guys. You know,

the elegantly cynical

the eloquently intelligent

the ones who call out government

in wire rimmed glasses

the romantics

the struggling artists that are getting published and put up

on pedestals

and praised for their perfect collection of pencils and worn out leather

but I feel like a desperate girl lost in between Radiohead lyrics and trying to sound smart
though i’m really just regurgitating information I read in the Guardian and forgetting my own voice

because my own voice just rants and perpetuates the issues i’m arguing against

like maybe we should all stop spewing biased information out our asses and start calling it opinion when we act like its fact but
what even is fact anymore when
I can’t tell the difference between what’s more true:

the onion journalists or the few that are left
on the morning news.

Who really cares about my opinion anyway, but that’s the thing about us writers and artists,
we feel we have a message that’s important enough for the whole world to hear.

I’m just playing the hipster now, sitting in my basement in Portland on a rainy day in the middle of May
trying to get these phD editors to publish my article but I can’t get my words straight.
Bryan asked me earlier how my article was going and I responded, THAT TRAIN HAS SAILED, if that’s any clue into the speed at which my brain is currently working after
staring at a screen all day but
here I am on this damn computer again
living out my digital life trying to level up my digital existence and get noticed on the internet because
that’s what seems to matter these days.

Millennials, we don’t have a physical face anymore. We send in our digital resume and 300 words of semi-mythical lore with all the relevant links to our websites and portfolios and social media pages that are supposed to be a representation of who we are
those 300 words, they hold our fate

whilst the application adamantly declares, please don’t call, no emails, don’t even think about coming by.

So great. My resume really says it all. The other goons who write inspirational articles that help millennials in the act of pitying themselves,
they told me that my worth was most likely determined
by my productivity which is
beautifully laid out on the resume that I
nervously crafted with a font that isn’t Times New Roman because I have to stand out in some way, right? Like how do you even stand out anymore?

How come resumes don’t offer filters? I bet if I got a good enough filter I could seem better on paper than
I actually am and then your boss would swoon over a stranger.

I’m being way too dramatic

stop checking your email

stop reading

just start writing.

God, the amount of time i’ve spent reading about writing when most of the information is already locked up somewhere in my brain but
retrieving anything is hard when i’m taking it all in at a thousand times more and a million times faster than
I can push it out.

So I guess all I have to say is this:

billboards stop gaslighting us

commercials stop tainting our intelligence

president stop propagandizing us

corporate media stop serving confirmation bias on a silver platter I just want to be able to think for myself

oh yeah and corporations stop poisoning us please

thanks bye.


An Episode on Trying Even Though It’s Really All Just Too Much was originally published in ILLUMINATION on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

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